Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Old technology turned my school librarian into a monster

On my way to work, I walked past a relic of my childhood. A discarded ribbon printer, the kind that had paper with the tear off edges. You remember the ones that used to fill the air with the sound of robotic murderous rage.

It reminded me of my last year in highschool when the entire senior class was tasked with each producing a 3000 word essay on a scientific topic. Now, nobody in their sensible mind was going to work on it at home so we made the most of our spare block to do the research on our old box Macintosh's.

Now picture 30 seniors lining up to use 4 computers. To make matters the librarian was a time nazi and allotted us about 10 mins each on the computer. Frantically we scoured the, somewhat new, internet using Excite Search Engine desperately printing off anything related to our essay topic. From the librarian's office the printer jumped into life belting a horrid 'reeeeech...... reeeeech....' across the library. The printer average something like 1 page a minute and so we had to come back at the end of the day to collect our print-outs.

I never liked our librarian. I always thought she was a cranky and horrible person. But seeing the abandoned laser printer on the side of the road made me see her in a different light. She was once probably a nice caring woman enthusiastic about her career as an up and coming Librarian. She probably felt she had landed her dream job working in a school where she could help sculpt the young minds of future generations and teach them about books and the dewey decimal system. She probably couldn't wait to see kids reading books in a quiet room with the only disruption of silence being a low cough. Unfortunately, her dream job turned to s#!% the day that printer was installed. I no longer blame her for being a monster, she was made that way by years of ribbon printer screams...

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Testing vaccines on babies, terrorists freed.. what is happening in the world?

Scotland freed convicted Lockerbie Bomber and the terrorist returned to a hero's welcome in Libya -
Well done Scotland! Way to bring global outrage and shame to your nation. Apparently the people of Libya were waving Scottish flags (why can you buy these in Libya?) and have expressed gratitude to Scotland and Britain for releasing their homegrown terrorist. I understand the guy has prostate cancer, I understand some people feel he was scapegoated... but at the end of the day he was convicted by a court of law to stand a life sentence for his role in killing 270 people! 11 years of a life sentence for the murder of 270 people - I did the math and that's less than 15 days in jail per person.

450 people have been arrested across Manchester in dawn raids for alcohol related crimes
-Wow... waking up to a hangover is bad enough but waking up to the police breaking down your is so much worse. I can't believe that the police had intel on 450 people to arrest them for alcohol related crimes and waited to bust them in a co-ordinated sweep. Tax dollars well spent for sure. Note to self - don't move to Manchester!

3rd Suspect arrested in £40m gem heist
That was quick, they caught these guys in like a week... Apparently they caught one of the guys living it up in a club in the city.. way to keep a low profile. Why is it that people can plan a robbery so meticulously but completely ignore the part about planning how to get away with it?

Economy on the road to recovery
Economies around the world are heralding a return to big bucks and an end to the recession. Now I'm not an economist by any stretch of the imagination but the UK is in debt £800 billion. The US national debt is nearing $12 trillion. Canada's national debt is nearing $500 billion. Well I'm glad we're coming out of the recession. So does this just mean that people are spending again and so the economy is "growing" at the expense of increasing debt. Here's an anecdote that helps me understand the situation: Lets say we have a pizza shop that for the last year has been in a slump and has struggled to sell any pizzas, maybe $500 worth of sales - we'll call this a recession. This pizza shop changes strategy and begins making record sales lets say $10,000 per month (coming out of the recession). But to get such an increase in sales,the pizza shop has been selling the pizzas for less than it costs to make the pizzas. Lets say it costs the shop $15,000 to make the pizzas and they only sell the pizzas for $10,000. In theory the shop has awesome sales, but is losing money (going into debt). Would we call the shop successful? No, of course not the pizza shop owner would be a fool. Yet, this is what is happening in the economy at the moment.... but good news we're coming out of the recession!

US to begin trialling Swine Flu vaccine on children 6 months old
To prevent the widespread outbreak of Swine Flu the US has begun testing a vaccine on 6 month old children. Where do they find these babies? Who would volunteer to have their 6 month old injected with a test vaccine that may permanently damage their bodies or even kill them? People are panicking because of the media. To put things in perspective there have been 1800 deaths globally to date. In comparison 10,000 people are killed by lightning, globally, per year according to the Met Office. To show the true ridiculousness of the swine flu panic attack that has hit the world try thinking of this: There are approx. 6,779,000,000 people on the planet and on the premise that 1800 people have died from swine flu, your chances of dying from swine flu is 1 in 3.8 million! Would you inject a bunch of untested crap into your 6 month old to save them from a 1 in 3.8 million chance of dying from swine flu?

What do you think of the Swine Flu? Is it a serious concern or just panic caused by overhyped media coverage? Is the economy recovering? Let me know in the comment box below.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Aliens are coming!

I've recently been reading about the earth ending in 2012! Apparently there is a hidden planet called Nibiru or Planet X that is currently making its 4000 year orbital return to pass the sun (and the earth) along the way.

You're probably thinking "Cool! Alien life forms coming to earth to make our life better."


Evidently the gravitational pull of this planet will cause enormous tidal waves and earthquakes on a biblical scale. In addition the alien life forms called Annunaki, by the ancient Sumerians, will once again enslave the human race as they have a number of times (think Pyramids in Egypt - ancient landing strip).

Its interesting what people will actually believe given enough time to work it through. The internet has really helped these lateral thinkers bond together and create even more elaborate theories. I think the key to making any great calamity theory is to tie it in to real world events. So I propose linking the most recent world problems into a theory that PROVES alien life.

Fact number one:
The ozone layer was created by the ancient egyptians after the latest alien invasion. It has acted as a shield to keep the alien ships out for the last 3000 years or so. Humanity, in its ever growing need to progress has destroyed much of the ozone layer. Not only is this extremely bad for pale skinned redheads the world over, but this has created holes in our shield through which the aliens can pass.

Fact number two:
Aliens hate the cold! Their thin skin and big heads cause them to lose a lot of body heat and therefore they like warm climates hence the reason all alien evidence (think pyramids and Mayan ruins) are all from warm areas of the planet. This leads me to believe that Canadians will be safe from Alien enslavement. But back to my point, Global Warming supports the alien invasion and allow them to function at optimal temperature.

Fact number three:
Alien space ships are magnetic with a south polarity. That is why they have to wait until the Geomagnetic Pole Reversal happens. Where the innards of our planet shift so that the north pole becomes the south pole, causing people with compasses major agro! But more importantly the aliens can only enter through the giant ozone layer over Australia and Antarctica but at the moment they South pole is repelling their ship like two south pole magnetics repel each other. Once the pole reversal happens they will be able to easily sneak in through the ozone layer.

Fourth and final fact:
Aliens are extremely allergic to trees. That is why they like dry and arid places with very few trees (like egypt). They are waiting for us to destroy the rainforest so they can attack us without hayfever.

So you can see that all 4 factors align to allow a full scale alien invasion from Nibiru through the holes in the ozone, while they are warm and hayfever free but only once the geomagnetic pole reversal happens.. If you need me, I'll be making a tinfoil hat to stop them reading my mind...

If you want to add to my theory please add your facts in the comments section below.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Movie banned as "risk of harm" to the audience!

I was reading the paper today when I came across an article that irritated me. It was regarding a recent decision by the film censorship board to ban the Japanese film titled 'Grotesque' due to "risk of harm" to the audience. To see the write-up on the Telegraph website click here

To see the trailer for the movie click here - but beware it is certainly NOT for children and definitely not safe for work (NSFW). You've been warned!

Now, if you ask me, the movie looks like crap. I enjoy a good bit of gore and cheesy horror, but watching people getting mutilated for no purpose doesn't really entertain me.
I will credit movies of this type for pushing boundries and having realistic special effects (like Eli Roth's Hostel).

But back to the point, despite it's disgusting special effects and wanton senseless violence, I don't agree with the decision to ban the film. At its core element it is a form of expression, no matter how gruesome. All over the world you can attend live freak shows where people stick wires through their cheeks and hang themselves from hooks. Some might even go so far as to say it is art.. I think most people in this world are aware that the world is full of all sorts of sick things. What I enjoy, is the freedom to make the choice of whether I want to see these sick things or not. Living in a 'free' country where freedom of speech and expression is valued, it seems wrong that the freedom of the film maker to screen his film, and my freedom as an individual has been taken from us by bureaucrats on the film board. The board's has stated that the movie's "...violence is so extreme that it could cause psychological harm to audiences." I am glad they are looking out for my psychological well being, but where has it been scientifically demonstrated that watching violence on film has caused psychological harm to people?

On this basis, should we censor the news? Better still, should we have a rapid response censorship team to rush out to car crashes and natural disasters to quickly shield onlookers from any destructive psychological effects.

In spite of the board's decision to ban the film I will guarantee that pirated DVDs will be floating around local pubs by the end of the week. In fact, it will probably be more popular due to the curiousity the film board has generated around the movie, and the media hype surrounding their decision to ban it.

Well, that's my rant on this 20th August. Drop me a comment and let me if you think the film board are right to protect our mental health, or if they're stepping on our freedoms

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Modern Day Cow Tipping

As I was trolling the internet looking for strange and bizarre things, I came across this article about a prolific new cure for boredom... tipping over smartcars?!

Evidently, in a modern take on the sacred and age old tradition of cow tipping, people are getting boozed up and tipping smart cars on their sides. Apparently the smart cars weigh in at just over 700kg, which is slightly heavier than the average cow, and are quite easy to tip with a little help from friends.

I thought this would be a one off, but the internet is loaded with stories and even videos of people tipping these silly little cars over. In Holland, a group of hooligans has even managed to flip the cars into the local canals!

I must say I'm a bit disappointed that I'm only finding out about this now... on the plus side there is a smart car just down the road.. hmm.. be right back...

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Michael Jackson fakes his own death

It is common knowledge that Elvis Presley faked his own death so he could go undercover and work for the DEA to help fight drug crime across America.

If you're a fan of the office (UK version) you'll know that Bruce Lee also faked his own death so he could go undercover to investigate the Triads.

Therefore, it is only logical that Michael Jackson also faked his own death. The fact that his body has been bouncing around like a 'find the queen' street scam and nobody seems to know where it is only helps support the mystery. The latest news being that the golden coffin containing his body has been kept in a cold store. Considering he's like 90% plastic, I'm not sure what he freezing will do. Won't that just make him brittle?

His death, like Bruce Lee and Elvis, is also surrounded by mysterious circumstances involving illicit substances. Not squashed by an 18 wheeler or gunned down in public. But passed away quietly in the seclusion of his own home.

The only question remaining is why would Michael Jackson fake his own death?

As we've all seen, he's certainly worth more money dead than alive. An estimated $100 million according to New York Times and is expected to earn an extra $100 million by the end of the year. Not too bad for someone who is reportedly dead.

But he had a lot of cash to start with, and probably wasn't interested in having more. So I think that Michael Jackson had a more altruistic purpose: working undercover to rescue disadvantaged chimpanzees around the world, like Bubbles.

Then again, I like to think that he is using his clever ability to change his appearance (dramatically over the last 20 years) and has joined forces with Bruce Lee and Elvis Presley to battle crime. Like an elite team of superstar crime fighters.

Whatever the case, I wish they would stop playing Michael Jackson songs on the radio every 3rd song! I, for one, wish he was alive again just so they would stop repeating all his songs!

Friday, August 14, 2009

Cultural exchange - Tequila and Macho behaviour

Nothing is more exciting than exchanging customs. A few years back in Turkey while scuba diving we made friends with our dive instructor and when the day was finished he invited us back to his brother's nightclub. After a few drinks at the night club he and one my more macho friends decided to one-up each other in manliness.

It started off with a competition to see who could chug their beer the fastest. My friend 1, Turkish diving instructor zero. To recover his manliness, the Turk challenged my friend to an arm wrestle and after a well fought battle the manliness score was tied 1-1. Now, you certainly can't have two alpha males and there needs to be a way to separate the men from the boys. Enter the 'Tequila Suicide'. For those of you not accustomed to manly drinking games the Tequila Suicide involves salt, tequila, and lemon. Sounds like a straightforward shot right? Wrong... You must make a line with the salt and snort it up your nose, followed by a shot of tequila, and then topped off by dripping the lemon into your open eyes. What better way to prove you have bigger balls then the other guy!

My friend's challenge of doing the Tequila Suicide was eagerly accepted by the Turk. Now, I will say that to watch 2 men compete in this challenge is enormously entertaining. By the end of the challenge you see 2 tough guys sneezing and tears flowing down their cheeks. They looked really tough!

But, as both of them completed the challenge they were still at a draw. What to do?

In a final show of one-upmanship, the Turk flipped the shot glasses upside down and poured tequila on top of the shotglass. He poured enough for the tequila to run to the edge of the shotglass and form a slight bubble held together by the surface tension. What on earth was he planning? He handed a straw to my friend and said 'Now, we sniff the Tequila into our nose...'

Both guys snorted the tequila up their nose and began screaming under their breath and shaking their head around in excruciating pain. Oddly enough, they both held such respect for each other that they forgot about who was the alpha male and were happy to share the title in front of all the bar patrons. To this day, I'll never forget the image of 2 tough guys with tears streaming down their face hugging and congratulating each other on a job well done.

I like to think we broke down cultural borders that day and brought the world a little closer together...

Have you got any great cultural exchanges? Please comment.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

I-phone App to rate your performance in bed?!

In yet another example of how technology is improving our lives everywhere, there is now an I-phone app that can rate your performance in bed. According to the Telegraph start the programme, strap on (the i-phone!), and start your bedroom acrobatics. The I-phone will then measure your abilities based on duration, activity, and orgasm. The duration is monitored by a timer (presumably between starting and stopping the programme), the power of your pushing is monitored by the i-phone's gyroscopic accelerometer, and the orgasm is measured via the microphone.

Now, I don't own an i-phone but I've seen one in action.. erm.. not that kind of action.. but they seem to be a clever bit of kit. And in our 'tweet' generation everyone wants to share everything with random people from around the world so why not add a feature where you can share your results with the world... oh wait.. they've done that too!

The logistics of how it would work in practice leave me wondering a few things:

Would it recognise if you are upside down?

Who wears an armband/holster to bed?

How long will it be before someone dials Grandma instead of starting the programme! Imagine how uncomfortable the next family birthday party would be.

All in all, I suppose if you're into that sort of thing it's a pretty ingenius use of the technology even if it makes me look at everyone with an i-phone and wondering what score they have. But I do know one thing for sure, if I need to make a phone call I'd rather then put my ear to someone else's i-phone!

What do you think - Ingenius or just plain weird?

Evil pigeon with loose bowels

Recently, a pigeon has decided to try and setup a nest in my balcony roof. Of all the great places to make a home why does she choose my balcony. I am not anti-nature by any means but this pigeon has serious problems. She sprays my balcony like she's been eating Mexican burritos from a homemade stand that has been sitting in the sun all day (dodgy doner kebabs with extra chilli and garlic mayo, for my UK viewers). Imagine, if you will, someone shaking up a bottle of liquid paper with the lid open on my balcony. It's disgusting... and to top it off she even wakes me up in at 6 in the morning 'cooing' and flapping about like a maniac.

I've tried to shoo her away, oh god how I've tried. I've sprayed her with water, yelled at her, thrown a slipper at her but she keeps coming back. She is relentless like Jehova Witnesses on house call duty. I can see it in her beady eyes that she enjoys tormenting me. If her beak could smile I'm sure this winged rat would be grinning the whole time.

I just can't get rid of this pestulent harbinger of evil... I'm thinking of calling an exorcist.

Do you have a story of an evil pigeon or other pest? Please comment below.

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Being sick and daytime TV.

As you may have guessed from the title, I'm sick... a common run of the mill cold I think. I'm not so romantic as to fantasize it's "Swine Flu".

This is the first sick time off I have had since starting my current job. As such, I haven't had the great displeasure of daytime TV in a number of years. I had forgotten that every other TV commercial is either for 'only pay if you win' accident lawyers showing the worst re-enactment of a man falling off a ladder and shattering his 'face bone' and dramatically fighting for financial compensation. The other, every other, type of commercial is a technical college that shows some jobless person struggling to turn their lives around and make ends meet. They find out about this value college through an overly smiley friend who managed to turn their lives around and become successful, in many cases owning their own business.

These teledramatic commercials are exactly what TV daytime was designed for. The crap filler 'shows' they use between these commercials like Ricky Lake, Montel Williams, and Trisha is painful to watch. They all seem to have lie detectors and try to catch people out nowadays. And the worst part is the philosophical one liners that they deliver like 'The great thing about mistakes... is that they can be corrected'. In my opinion these daytime talk shows are no comparison to the teledrama shown in the commercials. Somebody should make a TV show that follows around the characters in the accident and value college commercials.

On the plus side, going to work sick is looking for more appealing then another day of watching daytime TV.

Anyone else agree?

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Stop spilling coffee on your hand and shirt with these simple steps.

Has this ever happened to you?

It's Monday morning, you're tired and groggy, your eyes are burning and you wished the weekend was longer. You struggle towards work and need a caffeine boost before starting the day. You head in to your local coffee shop and order a triple shot grande wet latte to go, and walk the remaining 100m to work. After about 50m your hand is being scalded with molten coffee drips and by the time you get to work your shirt sleeve has drank more of your coffee than you have. To top it off as you blissfully sip your way through heaven you spill a few drips on your freshly ironed work shirt.

Well, after going through a few of these horrendous experiences I noticed a flaw in the 'take away' coffee cup. But don't fear, I've discovered a couple handy tips to ensure you make it to work coffee free and enjoy your triple shot grande wet latte without spilling any of it:

  • Once you collect your coffee from the counter head over to the milk and sugar counter and remove the lid.
  • If the cup is too full, you're going to have problems no matter what you do. If you have too much coffee either drink some of it or, if you don't like scalding your tongue, you can pour some in the trash (sacrilege some might say).
  • Next put the lid back on but here's the important part: make sure when you put the plastic lid back on the cup that the vertical seam on the paper cup is at the back of the plastic lid and nowhere near the 'drinking hole'. If the seam is near the drinking hole then every time you take a sip the seam will absorb some coffee and begin to drip from the rim.

So there you have it, a couple simple tips to ensure you remain looking your best at work and not covered in coffee stains. If I can save just one shirt from such a horrible fate, then it has been worth it. Let me know if you find this tip helpful or if you have any other handy tips. Also, I can add a video if the description above is not clear, again let me know in the comments section below.

Happy drinking.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Hilarious Public Service Announcement from Mr T.

I remember the old Public Service Announcements (PSAs) from back when I was a youngster.

Oddly enough I don't remember seeing this lil' gem from Mr T:

Great advice, I can't wait to put it into action!

Sunday, August 9, 2009

Cigarette butts raining from the sky... why?

I know we have all our flaws and in general I am very tolerant of others behaviours, but some things just go to far.

In my mind, smoking is a disgusting habit for a housemate to have. But, as long as they keep it outside it's something I can live with. Or so I thought... What never crossed my mind was that they would prefer to use the lower level balcony as their ideal location to get a nicotine fix. This presents a few problems:

  • Firstly, my room sits above this lower balcony and the smoke from their session rises directly up to my balcony. Which is disgusting when I'm trying to enjoy a lovely summer evening dinner outside. The upward draft also causes the ashes to float upwards as sooty snowflakes that land in our food, clothes, and hair. I hate this, but I tolerate it in the name of living conflict free.

  • Secondly, and this one is a two-fold problem. My house mates are also night owls and if I have the door open while I sleep, the smoke blows directly into my room. Creating a noxious and nauseating aroma that fills my room, and nostrils, as I try in vain to drift off to sleep. To make matters worse, they love to have loud conversations directly below my room late into the night, even on work nights. Again, I tolerate this.

  • The third and final disgusting thing associated with their smoking, is that they do not like to empty their ashtray..... ever. The only time it gets emptied is once every 2 weeks when the cleaner comes. After a few days of rain it turns into a sloppy mixutre and looks even more disgusting.

View from above, through the spaces in my balcony floor:

...and here's a side view for depth:

I guess my point is: If they want to be gross that's their business but they should at least respect the other who share the house.

...But even worse, they don't always use the lower balcony, sometimes, they use the top balcony -"But why would that be worse? Surely the smoke doesn't drift downwards or ashes land in your food", you might say. And you'd be right. But.... and there is always a but, a cigarette butt. They also have an ashtray on the top level that is in the same state as the one in the picture above. The cigarette butts that overflow and spill out onto the table also spill out and through the balcony floor (my roof). If you've never had cigarette butts rain down on you and land in your food before, let me tell you it is quite disgusting!

That's all for my rant on my housemates for now. Am I wrong to tolerate it and live in silence, or should I protest? If you have a housemate horror story, please share in the comments below.

Saturday, August 8, 2009

Preparing to hike the West Coast Trail

Well, at long last, my opportunity to do the trail has come. In mid September, I will be flying home to Vancouver (from London) on 10th September and shortly after making my way to the trail.
What is the West Coast Trail?

In short, it's a not so short (75km) trail located on the west coast of Vancouver Island in British Columbia Canada. The expected duration is around 5 to 7 days. This hike has been rated as best hike in the world by BestHike.

Why do it?

This trail has held great fascination in my mind for the last 6 or 7 years, ever since I missed an opportunity to hike the trail with friends in University. After hearing their stories of carrying all their supplies in backpacks (about 40lbs) and camping along the beach I have dreamed of doing this trail.

What to expect?

I have started training for the hike as I expect it to be quite a physical challenge. In addition to the distance and the duration, we will have to contend with ladders and really steep ladders. We will be crossing rivers with manual cable cars. Keep in mind this will be done while carrying a backpack weighing about 40 lbs (nearly 20kg), and most likely in the pouring rain. Wildlife (bears, cougars, and wolves) are a risk and so is hypothermia.

My training regime

I haven't decided how I am going to train over the next 5 to 6 weeks. It will certainly consist of some long walks carrying my pack and slowly increasing the wait. Luckily, the building I work in has about 20 floors, and this should be good practice for the steps and ladders of the trail.

I will be updating on how my training is going and once I complete the trail, I will be posting tales and pictures of my adventure.

In the meantime, do you have any great stories about hiking that you want to share? Please post in the comments below.

Friday, August 7, 2009

I hate waiting in line

I hate waiting in line, it drives me mental. I'm not talking about 2 mins in line, I mean like 20 mins in line because they haven't bothered to put enough staff on shift to assist in the evacuation of the monstrous crowd. You may have guessed, I just spent about 30 mins in the line up at Tesco to pay for a £2.00 item (chicken and pasta salad). For someone with cash, someone who could walk directly up to the till and insert £2.00 directly into the hand of the cashier, that is far too long.

While sitting in the lineup, I had an interesting idea. What if, instead of airmiles, the supermarkets issued 'Age Miles'. These 'Age Miles' are essentially a reflection of the amount of life you wasted in the grocery lineup. The formula wouldn't be easy to calaculate, but something like 30 mins in a lineup has to be worth about 2mins sky diving from a plane, just to make amends..

What do you think? Comment below and let me know.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Campaign to bring back hypercolour t-shirts

Growing up in the eighties and nineties, one my fondest memories were the hypercolour shirts that changed colour from the heat of your body. Back then those shirts were, in my best 90's lingo', radically gnarly and tubular. Did anybody else think of Keanu Reeves when they read that?

Nobody has made clothes as interesting since those days of flourescent pink, purple, orange, yellow, and green hyper colour shirts. I was enraptured for hours leaving behind the heat signature of handprints and creatively spelling out the occasional "F" word. Oddly enough I remember the shirts but I don't remember them fading out of existence. Google searches faintly hint that the downfall of hypercolour came after the introduction of a hypercolour underwear in Japan. As if that wasn't bad enough, apparently the chemicals broke down from the high heat and groinal moisture content and stained people's naughty bits... adding new meaning to the term "blue balls".
But just imagine for a moment if hypercolour made a comeback and became the newest fashion trend among hollywood's elite. As an adult I would stand in awe of any man that has the authority to wear a hypercolour three piece suit and get away with it. If you see hypercolour make a return, remember you saw it here first...

So what do you say? Would you wear hypercolour again...?
Comment below and let me know.

Why are all the best movies on past midnight?

Why is it that all the best movies are on late at night... ending well past midnight?! Do broadcasters not realise that the majority of people work in the mornings?

It dawned on me this morning (no pun intended) as I peeled my eyes open in response to the screeching alarm clock that the broadcasting people are evil, pure evil.

About the caffeine high from my fifth cup of coffee caught up with me the conspiracy theorist section of my brain started to rev up... Could late night TV movies be a subtle but effective plan to keep us regular folk, the great unwashed, in a constant state of exhaustion? "Now hold on, that's crazy talk", you're probably saying to yourself right now, "what would be the benefit of having an overly tired populace?"

Well my friends, think about this:-
- Tired people need caffeine to function - Starbucks stand to make a fortune promoting late night movies.
-Tired people are more susceptible to illness and therefore line the drug companies pockets buying medicine
-Tired people can't think properly, can't think critically, can't think rationally, and can't act against their governments.

My conspiracy theory of the day is that Starbucks, Drug Companies, and the Man have teamed up to take advantage of man's greatest weakness.... late night TV.

I'm starting to think I need to control myself and not succumb to the temptation to watch an edited for TV version of Cliff Hanger for the 7th time... Damnit! Terminator 2 is on...

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Fear of clowns

Why are clowns so bloody scary?

For as long as I can remember clowns have been something I never wanted to cross paths with, particularly on my own. I remember stories from the playground of clowns lurking in the bushes waiting to abduct any of my fellow playmates that ventured into the woods. The school even made announcments urging the children not to take a shortcut through the forest to their homes on the opposite side. My sister will share her own shocking, if not fabricated, experience of being chased by a clown at the apartment complex where we grew up.

Big word of the day: Coulrophobia - fear of clowns.

My 'coulrophobia' culminated when as a child I secretly watch Stephen King's IT, against my parents better judgment. Never before and never since has a movie has a movie scared the absolute crap out of me. I couldn't sleep on my own for weeks and had to pile into my younger brother's room before bedtime, safe in the knowledge that I could run faster and he would get mangled while I escaped. To this day, that movie leaves me checking over my shoulder on quiet rainy days.

Anyone else have a horrible clown story that has scarred them for life?, please share in the comments box below.